God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
