If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
