Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
