you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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