walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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