okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
