Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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