The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
is wine microwaveable?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm too high and old for this...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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