I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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