yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
