A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize