He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
