my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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