whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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