and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
