Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
