i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
