3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
