never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
