please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
