Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
