My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
