I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
