dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
