I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
