ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
