im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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