At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
