my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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