Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
