Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
