After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
