forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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