Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
