The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
