Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
