Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
