I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
