I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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