If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
