You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize