we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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