I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
