You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
