I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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