i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Randomize
