Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
