Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
