i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
