allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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