does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
