I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
