I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
