Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
