We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
