I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
