just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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