the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
