Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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