lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
