maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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