And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
