So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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