so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
