I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
