She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
