How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
