We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
