Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
