Jerry, you need to find god
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
