i just wanna soil my oats bro
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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