her vagine was all disorganized.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
